Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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