Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
