why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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