She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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