he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
