If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
