I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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