Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
