I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
