I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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