this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
