I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
