I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
