I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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