we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
