I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
