A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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