Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
