the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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