Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
