i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
