Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
