when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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