goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
