Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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