the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
