I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
smell my finger.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
