Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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