you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
