dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it's like iHOP with fire
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
