your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
