Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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