I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
