never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
