Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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