Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
