Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
