Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
