I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
