i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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