dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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