physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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