sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
