I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
