Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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