I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
