i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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