your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
