It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
