The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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