I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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